Lucky

30/Nov/2021 04:46 — Late, yes. Beyond doubt, journal, the timestamp does not lie. Seems like this will be a rainy Tuesday… I’ll be lucky if even a skylight opens amidst these clouds today.

30/Nov/2021 04:49 — First things first, journal: hello! I have been trying to practice some restraint lately. It occured to me a while ago how rejection (especially self-rejection) may enrich my decision-making process.

30/Nov/2021 04:51 — Yesterday I was offered a position among prestigious personalities. To have been within direct reach of their influence was something of sorts: I wanted to extend that feeling of gratification I received from their attention. Yes, journal, I would have enjoyed sharing more of my time with them. However, one event seems to always lead towards another and I ended up rejecting the position, politely.

30/Nov/2021 04:56 — Why in the heavens would I make such a call? Journal… My inner expression — passionately begging me to accept — would not have allowed me to practice the awareness I am after. Yes journal, awareness of how to live sustainably within my context. How would ‘mind’ respect ‘body’ if I were to jump at that opportunity (to initiate myself as another personality)? ‘Mind’ would not have respected ‘body’. My turbulent passion, an impulse; a danger to my foundation’s maintenance.

30/Nov/2021 05:01 — I thought it wise to reject that offer and practice some ponderation later: how can I grow from this frustration?

30/Nov/2021 05:02 — Having denied not only myself but also those personalities of my talent (regardless of metrics) — if this was another period in my life I might have become gripped with dissatisfaction. However now not-so-much because I’m searching for calmitude where there was turbulence.

30/Nov/2021 05:05 — Instant gratification is a hallmark of our time. All those notifications from people we know and do not know. Events distracting me of that important aspect in life. No wonder I had that recent crisis! It seems the correlation is such: the greater the exposure to instant gratification, the more reactionary (impulsive) I become.

30/Nov/2021 05:09 — Impulse, or reaction: when a definition is made with little to no thinking at all.

30/Nov/2021 05:09 — May we remain ponderant, for now journal. Thanks.